Have you ever really sat down to think about what qualities matter most to you in a relationship?
Do you need to be with someone intellectual and serious?
Or do you prefer someone who knows how to let loose and live a little?
Or maybe it’s a mixture of both?
Whether you’re squarely in the dating scene or have been married for decades, I bet you look for certain qualities and may not even realize it. Until someone asks you, that is.
I polled members of an Enneagram Facebook group and asked what qualities they look for in their personal or platonic relationships.
Some of the answers were pretty surprising, while others were to be expected. (A Type 6 who values loyalty? Not really a shocker!)
Below you will find the results of the relationship qualities poll question based on Enneagram type. Enjoy the (sometimes very honest) answers.
What a Type 8 Looks for in a Relationship
- Trustworthiness
- Loyalty
- Dependability
- Protective
- Sexual
- Fun
- Playful
- Honest
- Capable
- Someone I can tell things to and get a totally honest answer from.
- Someone who can share in the good times and help process the pain of the bad times.
- I am attracted to someone who wants to spill their vulnerable truths to me but not to others.
- Is a yes man… wanna do ‘blank’?, “yup”!
- Isn’t afraid to get dirty
- Pulls me into activity versus me always having to be the instigator
What a Type 9 Looks for in a Relationship
- Sense of humor
- Emotional intelligence
- Active listener
- Outwardly expresses caring
- Shared values
- Smarts/conversation skills
- Strong and capable
- Confidence
- Someone who will really listen when I talk
- Someone I feel comfortable enough with to let out my goofy side
- Someone I can just be me with, without needing to be anything extra.
- Someone I can build a normal life with.
- Someone who sees me.
- Enjoys deep personal conversations but also will talk to me about random musings in life
What a Type 1 Looks for in a Relationship
- Trustworthy
- Dependable
- Intelligence
- Shared values
- Kindness
- Loyalty
- Common interests
- They need to bring ideas/thoughts that are new to me - I don’t enjoy an echo chamber or stale memes. 😂
- Need to be compatible in terms of intelligence/humor
- Someone I can count on to be there, do what they say they’ll do, and not betray me
- Not the jealous type
What a Type 2 Looks for in a Relationship
- Physically affectionate
- Adventurous
- Outgoing
- Genuine
- Giving
- Thoughtful
- Honest
- Has to be able to grieve with me and then turn things around to be positive.
- Someone who respects and recognizes my presence.
- Someone who takes genuine care of others’ feelings
- Loyalty
What a Type 3 Looks for in a Relationship
- Intelligence
- Sense of adventure
- Self-awareness
- Flexible
- Can keep up!
- Emotionally stable
- Competent
- Higher energy / activity / zest for life
- Strong communication skills
- Ability to go deep / be authentic
- Likes to engage in conversation and enjoys a deeper connection
- Trustworthy and can be held accountable
- Motivated and ambitious
What a Type 4 Looks for in a Relationship
- Has a good heart
- Likes quality time
- Honesty
- Kindness
- Thoughtfulness
- Makes me feel emotionally safe
- Knows how to make internal repairs
- They enjoy deep conversation and hard/interesting topics
- Oriented toward growth and Truth
- They don't cringe at crudeness
- Someone who's able and willing to dive deep with me into those long conversations where time stands still, and we are in our own little universe!
What a Type 5 Looks for in a Relationship
- Honest
- Not clingy
- Intelligence
- Full commitment
- Self-confident
- Independent
- Has the same sense of humor
- Confidence
- Strong work ethic
- Pragmatism
- Humility
- Independence of mind
- Love of the outdoors
- Intense and one-of-a-kind connection
- Able to give me space without being offended
- Introverted, or if an extrovert - accepting of my hermiting and not constantly trying to pull me out of my shell
- Someone who fully understands we are "always" together
- Someone who understands the importance of being understood; what that means and the depths of commitment it takes to try to understand you, and someone who is vulnerable enough to allow you to understand them.
- Someone who loves themselves as much as they love me
- Someone who is willing to put in the work for understanding, commitment, and love because "love is not enough"
- Always building, never tearing down
- Must have a light-hearted approach to life, not take themselves or anything else too seriously,
What a Type 6 Looks for in a Relationship
- Authenticity
- Calm demeanor
- Sense of humor
- Protective
- Sexual
- Intelligence
- Loyalty
- Faithfulness
- Integrity
- Bravery
- Trustworthy
- Dependability
- Respectful
- I can’t have a pushover!
- Huge twisted sense of humor
- Can NOT be clingy or controlling
What a Type 7 Looks for in a Relationship
- Intelligence
- Homebody
- Physically affectionate
- A foodie
- Independent
- Fun
- Optimistic
- Strong faith
- Loves kids
- Trustworthy
- Bonus points for kindness & loyalty
- Likes to host parties
- Overall generally happy with their life
- Enjoyment in talking about philosophy/psychology/art/etc (deep topics)
- Spontaneous (not needing to plan everything out all the time)
- Complete freedom to just be yourself without judgment or consequence
- Actively makes their surroundings a better place and doesn’t just complain about it
- Someone who shares similar beliefs- religious, political, world view,etc.. but doesn’t have to be exact
- Someone who wants to get up and go
- Hard-working but knows how to have fun
- Someone to be responsible when I’m not
- Lets me brainstorm wild plans that probably won’t happen
Do you agree with the answers provided by your Enneagram type? Let me know in the comments your thoughts and what you look for in a relationship.
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